If you go down to the woods today…

April 25, 2010 at 18:06 | Posted in biscuits | Leave a comment
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… will you be in for a big surprise? I suppose you would be if you were a teddy bear, although if they eat Teddy Bears at a teddy bear picnic it would be a bit cannabalistic.

Arnott’s Teddy Bear biscuits are part of the ‘simple goodness’ range, and are aimed at children and people who like edible cute things. Each biscuit is shaped to resemble a waving teddy bear. However, the actual biscuits are not nearly so embossed as the packet depiction suggests, and to my mind have a rather sinister air, kind of like an angry homicidal folk dancer.

These biscuits are also not quite what you expect when you eat them. They are baked to quite a high, hard bake, and are quite thick – about 8mm thick in the middle (although the taper off slightly at the edges). This hardness is quite surprising, at least to me; somehow I expect they are going to be more crumbly. Perhaps it is so these biscuit survive better in the hands of toddlers and angry folk dancers.

The ingredients are very straightforward, and are all things you would find in your cupboards at home – flour, sugar, vegetable oil, golden syrup, eggs, baking powder and salt. The golden syrup does not come through very strongly at all, so these biscuits are quite ‘plain’ tasting. In fact, they are rather dull. They also dunk extremely badly; the outside of the biscuit quickly goes nasty and soggy, whilst the thickness prevents the tea penetrating to the centre. This leaves a kind of soggy mess around a hard core, which is really not very good at all.

In summary, these biscuits are boring. They are not as teddy-bear-like as the packet suggests, and are not as much fun as the novelty shape of them might suggest. There is nothing wrong with them, and they do have a sort of home-baked taste. Just home baked by someone who scrimped on the expensive ingredients and left them in the oven a bit too long. Maybe a five out of ten?

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